Saying Goodbye
by usukbuttsex
Summary: Gilbert has been suffering from self harm, eating disorders, and suicidal thoughts for years now. What happens when he has finally had enough, when he is at his limit? Will Matthew be there in time to help him before something bad happens?


_This is my first story_

 _All reviews are appreciated_

 _Disclaimer: I own nothing_

 _Enjoy!_

Gilbert looked off the sky scraping cliff. There was the distinct smell of salt in the air, as well as an unknowingly cold atmosphere. As the bitter sweet wind grazed his skin and the water crashed into the unforgiving rocks that could cut steel, it sent a pleasant shiver down the young albino's spine leaving goosebumps. While Gilbert had a fear of heights, this was an exception. The cliff alone was the one thing that sent adrenaline through his body without sending him into panic. It was just enough to bring him to the brink of fear without pushing him over. He started out, coming only to where he could see the edge of the pier then, very slowly but, gradually headed to the ledge. Eventually he made a game out of it; see how far he could scoot off the dangerously high ledge before having to pull himself back up. This time he wasn't in it for the thrill or excitement, he wanted to relax, find his escape.

His thin legs with ripped jeans hung over the edge, converse swinging in the breeze along with the leftover fringes of silver hair that were protruding out from under the beanie. His excessively oversized black Nirvana hoodie kept him warm even though his boney fingers were cold to the touch. He lifted his pale nose to the sky taking in the overwhelming amount of peace and tranquility that soon filled him.

To outsiders it probably looked like he had an easy life. House with his younger, slightly larger, brother, one of the best high schools in the region, and 3 amazingly best friends. What people didn't see was the constant stress and state of depression he was in. They didn't see the altercations his brother and himself got in over the elders mental stability. Gilbert knew his younger brother just wanted what was best for him, but more times than not the he became defensive, refusing help, and storming out. Granite, he loved his brother and he was very appreciative of the gesture to talk, but he wanted to keep these things to himself. Although, Gilbert was threatened many times to be thrown into a mental hospital unless he explained why there were drops of blood on the bathroom tile, or why he had not eaten in a day or two, but best of all was when he was commanded to show his forearms and thighs. He really hated himself, a lot, he didn't also need his brother's disapproving looks if he did as told.

But the fun didn't stop there, it was in his "wonderful" school as well. Homophobic, self-absorbed, bullying assholes festered in those crowded hallways, so how did he not get singled out? Every day he told himself " _It'll be ok, just play it cool and no one will notice you_." How could he fool himself? Every day a group of dickheads came up to him calling him queer, fag, monster, demon-the list could go on and on of the things they spat at him, then wrote with sharpie on his face, clothes, and personal belongings.

It made the red eyed teenager feel weak. That is something he wouldn't let his friends think about him. I mean he was the strong one of the group, always spreading smiles and bringing cheer when one was down. It wasn't hard to impress the flamboyant French man or the charming Spaniard, but the shy Canadian was defiantly a challenge. When he earned a laugh or grin from his birdie that was enough payoff, but it was hard to convince Matthew that he was fine. After all, Matthew had walked in on one of his daily bullying sessions but ran out of the bathroom as soon as Gilbert told him to do so. Gilbert was relived those asses hadn't gone after the petite blonde or there would be hell to pay. It wasn't until that evening when he was texting Matthew that the boy expressed his concern. It hurt Gilbert most to lie to Matthew considering he held the most feelings for him.

Gilbert snapped from his thoughts as something wet rolled down his cheek. " _Am I crying_?" The salty liquid slowly slid down his cheek until it followed his jawline then plummeting to a quick splash on the back of his pale hand. He couldn't hold it back at this point, he started sobbing hysterically; his face cradled in his palm. Surprisingly, all he really wanted that moment in time was to be snuggled in the Canadian's warm grasp. It was funny, Gilbert felt like he could smell the blonde's fragrance. It was comforting and sweet. He was again snapped back to reality when he heard an abnormally loud crash of the waves. Sniffling, he pulled out his phone and started typing.

'Matthew I want you to know that I love you, always have. You make me the happiest person when you're around; never forget that, and never forget that no matter what happens to me I'll be with you."

It sounded ominous but Gilbert didn't have time to care, he had three more to send out. Next was to Antonio.

"Hey buddy, you know that boy Lovi you make over? My brother is definitely has the hots for his brother! Anyways, I am leaving; when I come back I hope to see you and Mr. Grumpy as an item!"

After that message, he started sobbing again but thought " _only two more_." Next to Francis.

"Hey man I'm going to be gone for a while, but while I'm gone please don't do anything to get yourself in trouble, I won't be able to bail you out. And, please watch over Matthew while I'm gone, make sure he is alright. Thanks."

His vision was blurred as he began to text his brother, but an unexpected phone call dropped in. _Matthew calling,_ that's what it read. Gilbert couldn't decide if he wanted to answer it, but whatever Matthew had to say, he just wanted to hear his calming voice one last time. So he answered and sniffled, waiting for something on the other side of the line.

"Gilbert, what's going on? Are you ok? Where are you?"

His voice was so soft, comforting, and quiet, but contained a very serious tone which was unusual. Although, as much as he wanted to answer he couldn't find the words to tell the other boy his plans. Instead, all Matthew got as an answer was sniffling and an occasional sob.

"You're at the cliff aren't you?...Please Gilbert don't do anything stupid, I'm on my way."

Right before the end he heard what sounded like the ruffle of a jacket, then, that was the end of the phone call, but there was no time to waste; he just had his brother left.

"Ludwig, you'll be an amazing man when you're older, and I know we fight but I love you. Always remember I'm watching over you."

He was about to put his phone away until he heard four chimes signifying four different text came in. All in the order originally sent.

'Stay where you are'

'Where you going to mi amigo? Don't worry, I got it in the bag!'

'Mon cher, how could you expect such a thing from me? And of course I will look after your baby birdie!'

'Gilbert, what's going on?'

Gilbert had stopped crying yet tears still stained his cheeks as he rose to stand on the edge, the tips of his shoes just over hanging over. He took in the overwhelming sense of freedom letting the wind blow in his face. After, he looked down at the rocks again, almost wanting to back down but decided against it. He raised his arms so his body made a T shape. Just as he was about to take a step he heard the snap of a branch, sobbing, then the almost inaudible desperate whisper of "…Gilbert." Gilbert turned around even though he knew he probably shouldn't have. The last words that slipped from his lips were "Ich liebe dich, Birdie." That was it. He was in sudden freefall. With his back to the ground Gilbert's last vision was of the cloudy sky. Then, _splash_.


End file.
